the internet has made me suspicious of talented parrots

September 10, 2026

this morning i saw a video of a parrot getting a bob haircut.

this is, objectively, exactly what the internet was invented for. not banking. not work email. not whatever LinkedIn is doing. a parrot sitting patiently while somebody gives it a tiny, immaculate little bob.

i was delighted for approximately the amount of time it took my brain to remember that it is 2026.

and that is the part i hate more than the fake parrot.

the fake parrot is fine. honestly, she looked incredible. whoever generated her understood the assignment. the problem is that my first reaction to something delightful online has quietly changed from oh my god look at this to okay but did this happen.

@blindfocusworld
Haircut time ☺️ #haircut #parrot #fypシ
♬ original sound – Blind Focus

we have somehow added a CAPTCHA to joy.

now an animal does something implausibly charming and there is a tiny forensic investigator in my head checking the feathers. counting toes. watching the background. wondering why the barber’s hand briefly became an assortment of seafood.

A green parrot perched on a person’s hand, illustrating the ordinary animal videos the internet has trained us to second-guess. — Photo by ANBARASU THIRAVIYAM, via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 4.0.

this is obviously not the largest problem created by generative AI. somewhere a lawyer is currently explaining to a judge why the case citations in his brief lead to Narnia. democracy has several concerns. artists have approximately seven thousand concerns.

but this smaller thing still sucks.

the internet used to have an informal bargain with me: if you showed me a baby elephant interrupting a television reporter, a raccoon stealing somebody’s phone, or a bird saying something with suspiciously good comedic timing, i was allowed to simply enjoy it until somebody in the replies explained that the video was actually from 2014.

that was manageable misinformation. i could live like that.

now every extremely good animal video arrives with homework.

A green parakeet perched outdoors, accompanying a reflection on having to verify whether charming animal videos are real. — Photo by Rayhan Rashid, via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY 2.0.

and i don’t even particularly want to become good at detecting AI video, because that feels like learning to identify counterfeit money when all i wanted was to buy a little treat. i would prefer for the treat economy to contain fewer counterfeit dollars.

mostly i am mourning the loss of being an easy mark for a talented bird.

i want to see a parrot with a bob and think, good for her.

instead i opened google.