Everything

I woke up late today because I accidentally gave myself food poisoning somehow last night. So that was fun.

I saw a notification that my order from Best Buy was out for delivery. I’m gonna start studying for certifications at work so I can get paid more so I ordered an iPad because that was always by best study setup in college.

Nothing fancy. Truly just the base model without any hopes of some new semi-sentient Siri or whatever they’re about to announce from the Google partnership.

It is blue, though. 😀

So I’m writing about waiting on a package to distract me from waiting on a package. This anxiety is killing me. I’m not sure why. If I don’t get it today I’ll get it tomorrow. Probably.

I have had bad experiences with deliveries that never arrive before. Or get delivered to the wrong address. So maybe it isn’t all paranoia. But the anxiety is killing me.

Optional anxiety, surely.

I’m listening to Who? Weekly and half paying attention to them answering calls about pop culture.

They’re currently ranking the ingredients for Trader Joe’s everything but the bagel seasoning from ‘who’ to ‘them’.

I got some of those tabs that make the toilet water blue. The color doesn’t make it cleaner it just lets you know when to replace the bleach tablet. But in my Mind, it makes it cleaner.

I just peeked out the window because I heard a noise and thought it might be the FedEx truck. No. The grade school kids are home from school.

As a kid I would sometimes stay up all night on Christmas Eve watching the marathon of A Christmas Story dry heaving from anxiety in anticipation about what I might and might not be unwrapping the next morning.

There are so many bees around the windows.

Almost 4:00PM and still no package.

I could have gone in for a half day at work after I was feeling better at this point. The package wasn’t even Supposed to be here until tomorrow anyway. They updated it to today. Sorry for getting the blue one that wasn’t in the store.

My neighbor is moving in August. He won’t even be here this summer at all, really. He’s a law student and goes home to North Carolina on breaks.

Fair enough. He’s met enough people in his first year to go somewhere and split expenses in a location that sucks a lot less than here with a lot better accommodations. But now I’ll have anxiety about rolling the neighbor dice again.

I wonder why they always put the white guys next door to each other.

I know personal blogs are boring and I’ll write about media and culture here soon. It’s why I made this silly little website after all. A place to put stuff no one will read.

I’m permanently banned from Google ads because after paying me a hundred bucks they said my interviews with porn stars constituted porn. So I’m fine with just not making money off of it. But that means it gets to just morph into what I need it to be whenever I want.

And. Where the fuck is that FedEx driver?

I was lying before when I said it was nearly four. It was 3:45. But now it is actually four and I’m starting to think of all the things my FedEx driver Marcus might be doing.

I go to Google how late FedEx delivers packages and see that it’s in my search history.

Maybe I should take a nap. Then when I get up it might be on my doorstep. Or maybe someone will have stolen it. Or maybe it will get too hot. I simply cannot have that.

I think my neighbor is doing laundry.

It only matters because every time I hate him on the stairs I think it’s Marcus.

Marcus is probably just overloaded with packages today.

Or maybe he had a family emergency. His little cousin that he and his wife had to take in after her mother Stacey went to jail for check fraud has the flu. My head would be all over the place. That’s probably what’s happening. God, I hope little Lilly’s gonna be okay.

It’s also possible that he’s an old nemesis from grade school that I can’t remember. I did know a Marcus in middle school. He got married to a girl I had a bit of a crush on once upon a time. Maybe he saw my name and still holds a grudge for me liking his girl all those years ago. He’s gonna let my packages slip under the seat for a few days then make sure it gets good and banged up before I finally get a shredded remnant of blue aluminum in May.

By the way, don’t eat French fries that you accidentally let thaw out overnight. You might have to live next to your toilet for a few hours.

Listen. It’s a Long month so there’s almost an extra week than normal between my paychecks.

I’m gonna go refresh the tracking page.

Nothing. Maybe the war in Iran has made gas so expensive that Marcus is stranded on I-85 as the world slowly slips into chaos.

I wouldn’t know, I haven’t voluntarily watched the news in six months.

The world is on fire but I can’t stop binging some weird British tv show or another that I can never convince any of my friends to watch with me.

Shout out to my sister who is giving me a bunch of cat food so my cats won’t starve until payday. Google Photos auto generated this montage of us:

Holy shit it’s only been seven minutes?

Where fuck is Marcus?

They upped my anxiety meds. They’re clearly working gangbusters.

Is it too late to redirect him to the FedEx store? Walgreens?

I hear a hydraulic brake!

It’s fucking UPS 🙁

Do y’all strain ramen before adding in the some of seasoning sachet or do you let the noodles cook in it?

I do a little of each usually, I do strain them before eating, though. Ramen isn’t a soup in this household.

More deceiving brakes in the neighborhood. This time just a minivan that badly needs to be serviced.

I believe in you Marcus.

We can get through this together.

I peer out my window after going pee just in case. Nothing.

Talking about Mortal Kombat movies in the group chat with Jacob and Tate. I love the first one because of watching it as a kid.

My cousin Elizabeth had the soundtrack and I thought those electronic songs were so cool. We would ride to the pool for the apartment complex my family lived in while listening to it.

Jacob and I are now scheming an elaborate plan to track Marcus down and procure my package ourselves.

How come only some packages get GPS tracking the day of delivery some of the time and others never have it?

I guess to stop people from going to them and asking for the package early.

IDK. I just need Marcus to get his ass over her already. What’s taking you so much longer than usual.

I’ve had to rush home in my lunch break so no one would steal my new phone twice now.

Now I miss those days we had, Marcus.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVrZIenjJsO/?igsh=MTltY3VmOXg0N2Q3Yw==

I’m giving up and just assuming I’m gonna have to deal with some FedEx bullshit.

Time for a beer and some video games.

🙁

Update 3/28 @ 9:26 AM:

Come on Anthony
I believe in you!

Marcus meant NOTHING to me. It’s all about me and you, baby. Us against the world! 🙂

Update 3/28 @ 4:28 PM:

It has now been re-rescheduled to Monday. Apparently they left the apartment number off of my shipping address and this is why it’s been back and froth so many times. Hate it here.

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Header Photo by Deane Bayas